you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
