The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
