My first STD was from a foam party
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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