i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
