I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
