seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
