i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
