he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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