i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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