so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
