Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
