omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
