You work out of a Hotel?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
