So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
