before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
