and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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