lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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