the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
