Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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