I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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