I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
