Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
