Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
