I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We have so much sex to catch up on
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
