I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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