just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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