Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
