I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
