lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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