he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
