I must be too annoying 4 u.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
