Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
