You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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