The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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