I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
