sarcasm needs its own font
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
