I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
