i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
