He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
