Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
