Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize