Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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