If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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