Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
third nipple confirmed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
