when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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