quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
