you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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