you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
