I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
