So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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