Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
