"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My vagina is officially offended.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
