Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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