I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Even my vagina gasped.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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