Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
