a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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