Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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