every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize