i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
