We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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