Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
