My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
