I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
