I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
