I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
