the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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