So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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