sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
