...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
