Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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