i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
