Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
tell me about the eggs
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