It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
